shakebadguysshake

[The text has him grinning and shaking his head. Oh, he loves this man of his. Taking a moment out of his no-doubt busy work day to send him a message like this]

Hey, Frase
I thought something was missing from my morning, but I couldn't put my finger on it
Thank you for clearing that up for me

It was my pleasure.

There's something I've been meaning to discuss with you, and I don't want to be disrespectful about it, but I think in some ways it might be easier over text than in person.

I think you looked pretty handsome this morning, yourself

Oh yeah? Well, I'm here for a bit
Discuss away

Well, thank you, Ray.

[ There is quite a lot of typing/not typing, but eventually he actually sends something. ]

Please trust that I have no intention whatsoever to "bend mock" you. That said, are there certain aspects of a "Submissive" lifestyle that appeal to you more than you have wanted to admit thus far?

[That one takes him a minute to run through the translator a few times before he lands on something that makes any vague amount of sense.]

Kink shame, Frase
The term is "kink shame"

That said, yeah um
I haven't been sure how to bring it up, because it's not really something you can just work casually into a conversation, but yeah

[It's another few moments before he manages to get it out, but he does, in the end]

The kneeling
I really liked kneeling next to you

Kink shame, sorry. I don't intend to kink shame you.

What did you like about it?

It makes me feel, I dunno
Safe?
That's not quite it, but it's the closest word I can think of
Calm, I guess

Well, I don't object to it. Although I prefer being able to look you in the eyes when we're sharing a meal together.

Oh yeah no the food thing is totally not a part of it
Just like
If you were reading on the sofa, maybe
I could kneel next to you for a bit
Maybe with your hand in my hair?

That sounds fine.

Just fine, or like something you might like, too?

I like being close to you, and the kneeling element wouldn't detract from that.

That's definitely a big part of it, being close to you
I think it's cuz I trust you like I do, that makes it feel good
Feels right

Then we should do that.

What about you?
Anything off Andy's list or something that caught your eye?
Cuz this goes both ways, you know
You can tell me stuff you want to try, too

There is something, but I haven't really come to terms with it, yet.
Well, there are two things.
They're similarly disturbing for me to contemplate, however.
Yours is nicer.

[... okay well now he's just intrigued]

What makes them disturbing?
Are they pain related?
You know I'm not gonna judge you, whatever it is
But if you're not ready to tell me, that's okay too

Not necessarily, but they are more violent than I'm comfortable with.
Hitting you doesn't appeal to me at all. I mean, spanking or paddling you. I don't know exactly what it is about those acts, but they seem undignified somehow. Not that sex is generally dignified, but... I just find them particularly embarrassing to contemplate.
On the other hand, I keep finding myself thinking about choking you, or holding a knife to your throat, in a sexual context. And while I feel a sort of horror with myself for finding those thoughts arousing, because of what they reveal about me, I suppose, they do appeal.

[That's a lot to unpack, but here they go]

Oh fuck me, okay, right
Spanking isn't the most dignified, no
I'd love to try it once with you, because it's more about the lingering stinging feeling than it is about the humiliation, for me
And if you hate it, we never have to do it again
I know you remember the first time we had sex, but do you remember, specifically, when you had me against the wall?
And you had your hand at my throat?
I was definitely into that, and I definitely thought about what it might feel like if you squeezed a little harder
I think I could be into the knife thing, too, as long as you didn't actually cut me
I trust you enough

Really?

Would I have written you an essay about it if I didn't like it?
It's definitely not a bad or wrong thing to want, and I don't think it says anything bad about you as a person
Like I said, it's about trust
And I trust you completely
Definitely enough to choke me

I think I'd like that.
And I don't mind trying spanking. If it's because you like it, then I want to do it.

Then we can definitely try it
Both the choking and the spanking
Might have to work up to the knife thing, but if you've fantasized about it, I want to try it

Edited 2021-08-18 05:44 (UTC)

Thank you, Ray.

Is it like, a scene you've got in mind?
A specific scenario you wanna play out?

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