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[shakebadguysshake]

ＩＮＢＯＸ

𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 ★ 𝐕𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐎 ★ 𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐓 ★ 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

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[understood]

Then we should do that.

[shakebadguysshake]

What about you?
Anything off Andy's list or something that caught your eye?
Cuz this goes both ways, you know
You can tell me stuff you want to try, too

[understood]

There is something, but I haven't really come to terms with it, yet.
Well, there are two things.
They're similarly disturbing for me to contemplate, however.
Yours is nicer.

[shakebadguysshake]

[... okay well now he's just intrigued]

What makes them disturbing?
Are they pain related?
You know I'm not gonna judge you, whatever it is
But if you're not ready to tell me, that's okay too

[understood]

Not necessarily, but they are more violent than I'm comfortable with.
Hitting you doesn't appeal to me at all. I mean, spanking or paddling you. I don't know exactly what it is about those acts, but they seem undignified somehow. Not that sex is generally dignified, but... I just find them particularly embarrassing to contemplate.
On the other hand, I keep finding myself thinking about choking you, or holding a knife to your throat, in a sexual context. And while I feel a sort of horror with myself for finding those thoughts arousing, because of what they reveal about me, I suppose, they do appeal.

[shakebadguysshake]

[That's a lot to unpack, but here they go]

Oh fuck me, okay, right
Spanking isn't the most dignified, no
I'd love to try it once with you, because it's more about the lingering stinging feeling than it is about the humiliation, for me
And if you hate it, we never have to do it again
I know you remember the first time we had sex, but do you remember, specifically, when you had me against the wall?
And you had your hand at my throat?
I was definitely into that, and I definitely thought about what it might feel like if you squeezed a little harder
I think I could be into the knife thing, too, as long as you didn't actually cut me
I trust you enough

[understood]

Really?

[shakebadguysshake]

Would I have written you an essay about it if I didn't like it?
It's definitely not a bad or wrong thing to want, and I don't think it says anything bad about you as a person
Like I said, it's about trust
And I trust you completely
Definitely enough to choke me

[understood]

I think I'd like that.
And I don't mind trying spanking. If it's because you like it, then I want to do it.

[shakebadguysshake]

Then we can definitely try it
Both the choking and the spanking
Might have to work up to the knife thing, but if you've fantasized about it, I want to try it

[understood]

Thank you, Ray.

[shakebadguysshake]

Is it like, a scene you've got in mind?
A specific scenario you wanna play out?

[understood]

Not a detailed one. I think I'd like to subdue you.

[shakebadguysshake]

I'm
Fuck
Yeah
I could
I'd be very happy to be subdued by you

God, Frase, I'm a little embarrassed to tell you how hard I am right now
Keep telling me about it?

[understood]

Well, I hadn't put much thought into why subduing you would be necessary. Maybe you can help me with that aspect.

[shakebadguysshake]

Maybe like
If I was a bad guy, you know?
Not REALLY bad just you were having a hard time bringing me in
I was pushing back and resisting a lot
You might have to subdue me then

[understood]

I don't think I want you to pretend to be someone else, though.

[shakebadguysshake]

That's actually really sweet of you, Frase
Okay, so no roleplay, just us
What about the reason for subduing me is I want you to

[understood]

Oh. Well, I think that's about the best reason there is, Ray.

[shakebadguysshake]

I like it
The idea of being subdued by you
Maybe that's part of the kneeling I dunno

[understood]

You want me to bring you to your knees?

[shakebadguysshake]

[Oh shit, that lights up a whole lot of buttons]

Oh god, that sounds so good, you have no idea

[understood]

Oh, I think I have some idea. It sounds good to me, too.

[shakebadguysshake]

I like the idea of you being a little pushy with me sometimes
Like, I know I'm yours?
I'm so, so yours
But I want you to SHOW me I'm yours
Does that make sense?

[understood]

I'm not sure, but I'm willing to try it.
Actually, I'm eager to try it.
I'm not sure it needs to make sense, as long as it feels right.
And everything we've done together and become for each other feels right, to me, at least.